dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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