I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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