I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
