hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
