these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
