after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
