Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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