He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
