it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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