Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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