I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
