Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
