someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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