Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Can you bring me the toilet please
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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