Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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