This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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