i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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