he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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