i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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