He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
