at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I need to calm my uterus...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
