I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
