Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
