Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
