He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
