Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
