We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
