My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize