peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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