I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
