I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
