I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I party with great urgency now.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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