all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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