:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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