OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
