If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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