I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
