break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
this will be a night to untag.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
