he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
