Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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