Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
