sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
