I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
