I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I cannot find my penis.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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