Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
