i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
