btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
worst night to have a conscience
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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