She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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