Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
MIDGETS
????
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
