Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
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He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
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Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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