all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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