I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
