We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
