I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
