2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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