i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
