and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
