Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
