he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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