I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
