apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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