Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize