i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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