ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
