I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He shit in the fireplace
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