went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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