oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
