When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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