i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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