Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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