You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
